How to be a perfect wedding guest!

I sometimes stand astounded by the ways and mannerisms of guests attending the wedding. I often have to resist the urge to shake them by the shoulders and remind them: “It is not your day!” I’m sure plenty of literature has been written about wedding etiquette in the past, but I’m not so sure the nitty-gritty details—the things people hesitate to say out loud—have ever really been addressed. So, here goes...

What if you are not invited…

When a couple starts planning a wedding, it is like a little journey they undertake, and one of the starting points is budget. This budget is mostly influenced by the amount of people that they are planning to invite and as much as they only want their nearest and dearest in attendance, they are often bullied into inviting the groom’s mother’s aunt’s extended family, which can easily double the guest count. If you’re not invited to a wedding, accept it graciously and don’t cause a scene about it. Arranging a wedding is stressful enough, a bride and groom do not have to deal with your tantrums if they didn’t want you there in the first place. And please don’t pick up the phone and complain to either of their parents.

Répondez s’il vous plaît

RSVP is a lovely French abbreviation that literally means please reply. The bride and groom require your RSVP to confirm numbers with their venue, to order your underplate, serviette, wedding favour, have your menu and name card printed, order your plate of food and ensure that you have a chair to sit on and glass to drink from. The RSVP request usually goes with a date that they need your response by – also for a reason as they have deadlines to meet. Please show them the courtesy of responding on or before that date and not wait for them to ask you again and again if you are attending. (Then they might as well invite the groom’s mother’s aunt’s extended family.)

Oh, what to wear!

Most wedding invitations will have a dress code stipulated. Whether it is Black Tie, casual, semi-formal, or medieval, you adhere to that! If you are uncertain what the dress code requires, ask. Or Google it. Unless told to do so, never, under any circumstances wear white, off-white, beige, ivory or any possible colour close to what a wedding dress may look like. Also, try to withhold from being the centre of attention, this is the bride’s honour for the day, so leave your revealing, shortest dress at the back of your cupboard for a more (in)appropriate occasion. And whatever you do wear, do not wear Crocs!

Timing is everything

You probably received the wedding invitation up to six months or longer before the wedding, so it is safe to say that you can clear your diary for this special day long in advance. If the invitation asks you to arrive at a certain time, this is not the party where it is cool to be fashionably late. Most brides usually walk down the aisle a little later than what the programme stipulates, so please respect her enough to at least be seated when she does so and not hide in the parking lot and try to sneak in. The videographer and photographer (and wedding planner) see you!

Be in the moment

Once you have taken your seat at the ceremony, switch off your cell phone and place it in your bag or pocket of your jacket. The bride just spent hours having her hair and make-up done and getting dressed in a beautiful gown that took her months to source with shoes and accessories, appreciate that. Wedding photographers also get paid a large amount of money to capture these special moments, now is not the time for a selfie. It is also not the time to catch up with long-lost family or complain about the heat, wind or any other weather condition.

All things dinner

Many of my clients complain that one of the most difficult tasks of the wedding planning process is to assemble the seating arrangements for the evening. They do not want to offend anyone but also want to ensure that the best matches are seated together and that a good time is had by all. When you take a glance at the seating chart and you are unhappy about your placement, please keep your opinion to yourself and graciously take your seat at the appointed table. Guests who swap seats, make it difficult for the venue as furniture, setting, glasses and favours now need to be rearranged quickly and it often confuses the kitchen, as your pre-selected dinner will not go to the seat that you were assigned to. Have your meal, make polite conversation, and leave the table to fill up the dancefloor if it is really that unpleasant. And never, under any circumstances, complain out loud about the meal that you received to the couple, just because you think that you can cook a better steak.

Take a shot, we’re tying the knot

Most wedding couples feel obligated to have an open bar so that their guests do not pay for their drinks at the wedding. This is extremely generous, please don’t abuse it. If you usually drink single cane and cream soda, don’t suddenly turn into a Glenmorangie 18-Year-Old Single Malt Whisky drinker, just because you are not paying for it. Refrain from ordering shots for the entire wedding party on the bridal tab, but should you wish to do so, graciously offer to cover the cost of this. Also, do not try to strong-arm the bar staff – they have been given a set of instructions by the bridal couple and out of fear of your bad review on TripAdvisor afterwards, will try to bend the rules to keep you happy. Do not put them in this awkward position, they are just doing their job. And for goodness’s sake, last rounds mean last rounds.

No, you may not take it home.

I have had to follow many a guest to the parking lot late at night to collect various items that didn’t belong to them or were part of wedding favours. If the couple announces that you may take the flowers, it doesn’t mean the vases too, as those are usually hired, and the couple would have to replace them afterwards. Please also refrain from taking cutlery, crockery, glassware, napkins, chairs, or any other items that belong to the venue. I feel like this should not have to be said out loud, but after a few drinks, it is difficult to convince a guest to leave the wedding cake knife behind…

Respect the venue

Hospitality is one of the most gruelling industries to work in, especially during season time. The staff usually work super long hours, yet they are always expected to smile, be at your back and call and clean up afterwards. Treat the venue as you would treat your own home, do not litter, do not vandalize, do not flick your cigarette butt into gardens that take hours to groom, please use the restrooms for its’ intended purposes and most importantly, be kind to the staff.

Other points to remember:
♥ Do not throw confetti AT the couple, rather throw it up into the air as this makes for beautiful photos that will last forever and the bride is not stuck with rose petals in uncomfortable places for the rest of the night.

♥ Do not storm the bar, wait for the appropriate time and if the couple has instructed the venue that the bar only opens at a certain time, they made that decision for a reason – respect that.

♥ Do not be the clown in wedding photos – they last forever.

♥ Pace yourself – no one likes to look after a drunken guest on their wedding night.

♥ Gift accordingly – if they want cash, please don’t buy another Pyrex dish or set of Tupperware.

♥ Say thank you afterwards – they spent a large amount of money on creating a celebration for their family and friends, show your appreciation.

♥ Most importantly – celebrate! A wedding is a celebration of two people at the start of their futures together, share in their happiness and celebrate accordingly!

Contact Rickety Bridge Weddings & Functions Manager, Eldorét Visser for full details of the wedding packages on offer and to schedule a site visit. Email: functions@ricketybridge.com

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